Being in a bad mood..

is it contagious? Trav has been on and off in a bad mood the whole week. We got into a big fight on Wednesday over what I wanted to eat, and it ended with me crying, and both of us sitting in the truck for a half an hour. And it seems to me like I have caught his mood.. I can't seem to get over my funk. I'm tired... more then usual. I *almost* feel pregnant. But, even if I did get pregnant right after my miscarriage, i'd only be 4 or 5 DPO.. so I wouldn't even be having symptoms! Grr.. And to top it off.. both kiddos are being little brats lately. Seriously.. I understand that they must know their mom isn't around, but geez.. they have 4 people who cater to their needs and who give them a ton of attention. Again.. sorry. I'm in a funk.

On a positive note..THE HUSKERS BEAT THE SOONERS!!! We were underdogs going into the game and we came out on top... It was really awesome. But after the game, I got into the funk that I'm not pregnant. After thinking that I was never able to get pregnant and then seeing those 2 bright lines on the test.. and then being told that there wasn't a baby in there.. It's just taking it's toll on me. I want to be pregnant. I deserve to be a mom.

Blah.. I'm sorry for all the negativity today.. hoping next week is better. I love you all!

being lazy and other things.

I made this to help me heal through my miscarriage..and i'm not even writing on it that much. To be fair we have been busy. It has been 11 days since my DNC.. and I honestly feel fine. I cried most of that day, along with my mom and Travis of course. He didn't really cry, but he's a guy.. not going to cry. We were told to wait a cycle before TTC..but we aren't using protection.. but I am emotionally ready to be pregnant again.. and my body will know when it is time. So.. that's pretty much the update on that.

*Other random things*

We took Trav's nephew trick or treating.. he was the cutest little cow I have ever seen. Look at the pics and tell me if you agree!

Temperance (T's neice) weighs 19 lbs!! At 6 months!! She is getting so big and heavy.. We are hoping she starts to crawl very soon. I love to feed her and hold her. It gives me practice. =)

I turn 21 in 18 days. I'm kind of excited.. We are going out with my family to dinner.. My mom can't wait to buy me my first legal drink. She's so funny.

I'm excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas.. and honestly.. It would be an AWESOME Christmas present if I got a BFP.. but we will see.

Ok.. It's about time that Trav should be getting off work.. Going to take my mom to the grocery store and then come home and spend time with my T and of course the beautiful kiddos that will soon be my neice and nephew.. if Trav ever sets a date for us to get married!

I love you all!

healing..

I'm doing this as a way to heal. I know Trav is hurting as much as I am, which is why he won't talk to me. I'm having my DNC Thursday or Friday.. and I'm hoping for Thursday so maybe I won't feel so crummy over the weekend.. it's really the only time i get to spend with T. We are hoping to start trying again in December.. now that God knows we can handle being parents, it'll work out next time. I'm so glad I have my mom, and my friends, and most importantly Trav and the the 2 beautiful kids I can't wait to call my neice and nephew. They both fell asleep on me last night, it was so great that E is finally getting to trust me enough to fall asleep on me. It gives Trav's mom a bit of a break from holding them.. and i love to hold and carry both of them. I even love changing diapers and feeding the Miss Diva Temperance her bottles. This is how i know i'll be a great mom..I just need the chance to have my own!

On a seperate note.. i just figured out i have 35 days until i turn 21! Wow.. I'm getting old!!

I'm pretty tired, so I'm going to lay down..thanks to all who reads this. God Bless!